Second Birthday Letter to S

My Sweet Little S,

I’m a couple of months late on this but I hope to write you a letter every year for your birthday to remind you what you mean to me (and your Daddy) and to remember all that  God does in your life over that year.

Oh dear one, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m sure most of my letters will begin like this, with me staring at a blank page, because there just aren’t words to describe the way my heart treasures you...but here we go...

You bring your Daddy and me more joy then you will ever know! Your personality is sooo much fun. You are a lover of people - from your closest little friends to relatives to Mr. Elmer who lives across the street, even strangers! God has given you such a unique gifting to love everyone you come in contact with. You won’t let people pass you by without saying hello to them, even if that means shouting it over and over until they hear you across the street, and I absolutely love that about you! You brighten people’s day and make them feel so loved - generously giving hugs and wanting to “mmuh” everyone when we say goodbye. My prayer is that God would help us to nurture this gift He’s given you.

Some of your favorite things right now - walks (especially with both Momma and Daddy when Daddy holds you and runs. I’m thankful that your sweet Daddy has taught you that then you stop and wait for me and your Baby Sister in my belly to catch up. I love after 5 or 10 seconds of pure joy, running in Daddy’s arms, to hear you say, “Wait [for] Momma.”). You also love dancing (especially to the princess songs on your princess castle from Nana and Pop-Pop). You’re a big fan of parks, especially swings and slides. Eating ice is also a favorite - I chop it up for you in a baggie and you are in heaven:) It’s quirky but I think you inherited your love for ice from me, so I can’t blame you! You love jumping in your crib, I mean you get air, girl! You also love singing, so much so that sometimes if Daddy or I join in with you you’ll stop, wave your hand at us and say, “No thank you Daddy/Momma”...hilarious:) Some of your favorite songs are “Jesus Loves Me”, “Oh How I Love Jesus”, my song for you “Sweet Baby of Mine”, “Baa Baa Black Sheep”, and all of the interactive songs like “Itsy Bitsy Spider”, “Five Little Monkeys Swinging in a Tree”, “The Wheels on the Bus”, etc. Favorite foods are - avacado, tomatoes, pizza, “chicken and fies”, prunes (you beg me for them!), and any kind of berry.

I cannot WAIT for you to be a big sister! You adore babies, you cannot get enough of them! Anytime you see a baby your voice goes up and you talk to them in a sing-songy voice, tickling their toes or kissing the tops of their heads (since we’ve had to have a talk about how those are the only two places you can touch so we don’t spread germs:)). You love to comfort babies if they’re crying, saying, “Dat ok, Baby...it ok” and you take such good care of your baby dolls - rocking them, singing to them, feeding them, changing them and just loving on them. Your two favorites are “Baby Susu” and “Baby Sistuh” (both you affectionately named). I just can’t wait to see you with your real baby sister! You are two of the luckiest girls in the world to have each other!!

Lately, like most two year olds, we’ve been learning about sharing and using kind words. My heart was so warmed by a recent conversation we had about your Baby Sister coming and how when she comes she’ll be staying with us forever. You said, “I share [with] Baby Sistuh and kind woods!!”. We’ve been learning about apologizing to friends when we hurt them and asking for forgiveness. Every time you disobey and need to be disciplined we talk afterwards about who made you (God) and who does God want to help you to be like (Jesus). We talk about what you did, what Jesus would have done, and what you’ll do next time you’re in that situation. And then we pray together. Sometimes I can see the wheels turning and you amaze me with how much you understand, telling me about how Jesus wants to not just wash your feet (like He did the disciples), but He wants to clean your whole heart. Then of course there are the times where you’re ready to move on and pray, “Dear Loowd, Amen.” But recently you told me that you want to sit in Jesus’ lap and have Him read to you - I see such a love of your Heavenly Father growing in your little heart and I beg Him for more every night. 

Putting you to bed at night is where I often see this the most. We sing a few songs and then I pray out loud for you. I pray that you will know Jesus from a young age and walk with Him all the days of your life, that you’d love telling others about Him, love spending time reading His Word every day, and that people would be drawn to you because of the way you love God and serve others. I pray for your friends, Raelyn, Lily, Kate, Nora, Natalie, Ainsley, Ezme, Ava, Baby Nora, and Baby Charlie - that they would know Him too and that you all would be an encouragement to one another. I pray the same for your cousins, Mae Mae, Rosie, Jacquelyn, Aidan, and Colin - that they’d know God and you’d all have sweet friendships because of that. I pray for Aidan and Colin’s siblings that they’d come home soon and safely - we can’t wait to meet them! I pray for you and your sister, that you’d be the best of friends, inseparable, that you’d be each other’s biggest cheerleaders and have sweet relationships with your Daddy - that he’d be the most important man in your life until God brings the right one along. I pray that as God knits your baby sister together in my womb that He’d create in her a personality that would compliment yours perfectly and vice versa. I pray for your future husbands - that they’d know Jesus from a young age and walk with Him all the days of their lives too; that their families would have wisdom to point them towards God and talk with them from a young age about purity; that God would protect you each from evil and help each of you choose to save yourselves for marriage and remain faithful all the days of your marriage; that He’d bless you with many children who love Him too and that our family would be one that would glorify Him generation after generation until Jesus comes back. Then I open my hands and agree with the Lord that these babies (you and your sister) are His, not mine to hold onto. I ask Him to have His way with you both, to glorify Himself in your lives and deaths. I love that you have initiated lifting your hands with me at this point and we talk about how we are giving everything we love to Jesus - it’s by far one of the sweetest moments of my day! Then we stand by your crib and sing Jesus Loves Me. I tell you that I love you and that Jesus loves you more than you can imagine and even if you’ve started getting sleepy and closed your eyes, you open them at that moment and say, “Yes!”, and then close them again:)

God has really begun working in your heart and drawing you to Himself and I couldn’t ask for a better gift than having a front-row seat to seeing this. God has used you to change your Daddy and I in many ways and we are so thankful. It’s as if He’s enlarged our hearts to love more than we thought was possible! Your Daddy’s face lights up in a way I’ve never seen before when he sees you - whether it’s after a long day of work or just after you wake up from your nap, it’s like he’s seeing you for the first time in years and he falls in love with you all over again. Goodness knows that I can’t get enough of you either. I’ve never experienced anything like this - you are a part of me. I remember saying goodbye to my Mom (your Nana) when your Daddy and I came home from our honeymoon and we were all packed up to drive from MD to OH to settle into our new life as husband and wife. As we hugged each other and cried she said, “I wish I could just absorb you into me.” I thought I understood what she felt then but now that I have you, I understand it on an entirely new level. I wish I could bottle up every moment with you - I’d never stop kissing your sweet face. My heart is constantly torn between watching you in amazement as you grow and learn new things and loving very minute of that and on the other hand never wanting anything to change!

I adore you, my Love! Being your Momma is one of the greatest privileges I’ve ever known! 

Love,

Your Adoring Momma

Five

For a man who would not take no for an answer (even “I’ll never date you” three times!) - I praise God.

For a man who followed God to England instead of the girl he’d finally “won” - I praise God.

For a man willing to choose one girl over what the world had to offer - I praise God.

For a day to declare love and promise faithfulness before God, family, and friends - I praise God.

For a year of challenges as two different people learned to adjust to living with each other - I praise God.

For an enchanted little town to enjoy the beginning of life together - I praise God.

For days of laughter and for days of tears - I praise God.

For a mother in-law spared from death - I praise God.

For months and months of hoping for a baby together - I praise God.

For a house that feels like a home - I praise God.

For parents who chose to take the high road and begin a legacy that will continue for generations after this family - I praise God.

For a man gifted with hilariousness and handsomeness - I praise God.

For a child that is His and not ours to hold onto - I praise God.

For a job and a committed man so that I can stay home - I praise God.

For a little girl who brings more joy to her parents than she’ll ever know - I praise God.

For a man who puts his family first...always - I praise God.

For a father who tells his daughter, “Do you know you’re beautiful?”, “You are so smart!”, and “I love you so much!” on a daily basis - I praise God.

For two babies at Home to look forward to holding together - I praise God.

For a man who graciously speaks more truth to me than anyone else in my life - I praise God.

For five years of being led by this man - I praise God.

Baby Hawley#2 & #3 (Part II)

That was January. Fast forward three months later to April and I was late again. I had heard that after miscarriages women are often more fertile but we were surprised that it happened so fast. I was shocked by God’s timing too - with the previous pregnancy I was excited but also overwhelmed since it meant I’d have two children under the age of one and a half. I also struggled with the thought that this would have changed my first year with S - I wouldn’t be able to just enjoy her first year like I had envisioned. It meant that we’d be preparing for the next one, thinking through how we’d function as a family of four, and there was a good possibility that I would have been sick or just unable to do the things that a non-pregnant mom could do with a baby/toddler. So what amazed me about this pregnancy was that we found out 4 days after S’s first birthday! It was incredible and we were so excited and thankful. Handsome being the more cautious one in our marriage said, “I’m completely excited to expand our family but I’m just not sure how I would handle something happening again.” I agreed but after that comment we both put it out of our heads and were pretty certain that there was no way that it would/could happen again so soon after the last one.

About a week later I realized something wasn’t quite right with this one. We went in and had blood work done but I knew what was happening before we even got the results back. But how could this be? How could we have lost two babies within three months of each other? We had a hard time wrapping our minds around it and processing it. 

Handsome was mad and confused. After a few days though as he worked through it and allowed the emotion to come, he told me that it was just easier to be mad that this was happening to us again than to allow himself to feel the pain of it. But once those emotions came flooding in, it allowed for the healing process to begin.

I was exhausted - physically and emotionally. My body was tired of going through this. It’s such a long, hard process and a constant reminder of the emotional pain you’re going through. Even weeks afterwards - I came home one day, laid S down for a nap, sat down and started heaving. I can’t remember the last time I cried that hard. It felt like someone in my family had died...and they had.

I feel the loss, like something’s missing. I feel it when I hear that someone is pregnant and due in August or December and I was too but have nothing to show for it; I feel it when my sister’s adorable little belly starts showing and mine is not growing with hers. I feel it when I least expect it.

But (and I am so thankful that there is a “but”), we have hope. God has so graciously carried us through this. He has brought both Handsome and I (in different ways) to the same place of supernatural gratefulness. We can’t explain it, but we feel filled to over-flowing with thankfulness for who God is and all that He has done for us. This work can only be credited to Him. I have been studying the gospel of Luke for the past 9 months and being reminded of the undeserved gift that we’ve been given in Jesus, God’s Son, has been so good and provides such good perspective. A while back as I was continuing to process everything I began to write down my prayers. The following entry captures our hearts and where God has brought us:

“Heavenly Father,

Today and yesterday I have been struggling. Thank you for who you are - the God who made Himself man, who knows our sorrows, who even though we repeatedly choose other “lovers” over you - loves us enough to die a gruesome death to glorify yourself and to make a way for me to know you and be able to be communicating with you right now. Thank you. My words are too small, too plain for how I feel and what you deserve.

Lord, you  know my pain - you FEEL my pain. You have lost also, only in a much more devastating way. You know worse pain. I know my pain is nothing compared to what you and others have experienced and so there is a lie that keeps beating me down, saying, ‘Your tears aren’t justified’, ‘Your pain is far less than others’ and therefore not valid’, ‘Don’t tell others of your pain because they know far worse and will roll their eyes at this small burden you bear’, ‘You are selfish for feeling such strong emotion...after all, you didn’t even know these babies nor carried them for very long.’

But Lord, it’s there - the grief is there and these days it seems to have taken residence in my heart. I long to know and hold my babies, but for that day I must wait. Thank you for hope, for strength when the lives of those around me seem to move forward...leaving me behind.

Your way is perfect, your plans for my/our life are perfect. Your love is overwhelming and it leaves me grateful. I cling to your sovereignty. You are good and worthy of my trust - ALWAYS. Your life, death, and resurrection leave no room for me to question these things. Though my eyes still burn from tears, my heart sings for joy for you my God spoke the universe into being and yet allow me to be a part of your plan, a part of wooing what was meant to be yours back to yourself.

I am humbled and beyond grateful for everything you do in my life. I am yours, Lord, have your way.”

We are thankful for two more reasons to look forward to heaven and we’re squeezing S a little tighter these days. I am humbled by and find it hard to believe that anyone would read this blog but our prayer is that God would be glorified in our lives and through our story and that others may be encouraged and led closer to Him.

We are so blessed.

I could kiss those cheeks all day!

This man leads us so well.

Baby Hawley #2 & #3

It was a week or so before Christmas and I was late. I waited a few days before getting suspicious but by the 4th day I knew. I went out, got a pregnancy test, and took it all without Handsome knowing. I felt like I was in shock because I was so certain but I love anticipation and so I thought it’d be fun to surprise him. Sure enough there were two straight lines. I wasn’t surprised at all - I wrapped it up and put it in a gift bag (I know, kind of gross), went downstairs and gave it to Handsome saying that I had an early Christmas present for him, however he’d have to wait because they say it takes between 8 and 10 months to make.

He opened it and was shocked. Neither of us were expecting it, after all S was only 8 months old which means I technically got pregnant when she was 7 months old! I hadn’t let the reality sink in until I told Handsome. I didn’t want to allow myself to experience any emotions until he knew too and we could experience it together. He was excited. I was freaked out. To be fair, there were things that I was excited about but there were also things that I was worried about and I didn’t know how everything was going to work out:

• How do you have/raise two kids under the age of a year and a half? 
• How do I continue to care for a baby if I’m sick as a dog?
• I just started sleeping well for the first time in over a year, oh my, that will be hard to give up again.

As time went on, I still wondered (and tried not to worry) about these things and the things that I was excited about began to grow: 

• S will be a big sister and she’ll be so good at it! 
• They’ll be so close in age and have such a special bond! 
• Life will be insane for a while but I imagine there is such sweet joy in the insanity! 
• There is a life growing inside of me!

There was something that made me stand in awe of God’s goodness though - my sister and the life that was growing inside of her too. It turned out that she was due on August 20th...I was due August 21st. This brought me more joy than I could contain. I couldn’t believe that the Lord was allowing me to be pregnant with my sister and best friend. And not just that, but we would literally get to walk through every stage of pregnancy together. I mean, a day apart? Who could even come up with this scenario?! Blimpy (my sister) and I felt like we were living out a dream come true - in fact, through her tears of joy, those were the exact words that she said when we told my family. 

But after a while we started to fear that something wasn’t right. The spotting that had happened for a couple of days right at the beginning of my pregnancy with S did not stop with this one. It went on for weeks and gradually got worse. We went in to see the doctor and they did some blood work and told us they’d call with the results. We tried not to be anxious as we waited for the call. When they did finally call it wasn’t good news. They said we would lose the baby but that they couldn’t tell us when. It was hard to process since we weren’t actually experiencing the loss but waiting for it. But in a few days it happened just as they said it would...

(Sorry, I don't mean for this to be a depressing post - more is coming and God is still so good!)

A Birthday Letter to My Little S!

My sweet Little S,

Today you turned one - how can it be? This time last year I held you in my arms for the first time and cried tears of joy while you held onto my finger. You were and still are perfect - exactly how God wanted you to be and more than your Daddy or I could have imagined! This time last year you, your Daddy and I, and so many sweet family members were crowded into a hospital room “oohing” and “ahhing” over you while you slept with your sweet face against my chest...heaven. 

I remember about a week before you were born watching your elbow rub across my tummy - now your elbows have the sweetest little dimples in them! You are so full of joy and bring us so much joy too. Wherever we go you say “Hi” to every person that we pass - you seem to make people’s day with just one word and a gummy smile (you still only have one little tooth, bless your heart). You love to stand at the window in the playroom and watch the world go by and say “woof, woof” hoping to see the dog across the street come outside. Your favorite song right now is “Rock, rock, rock, rock...Rock a little Susu...I love you.” We sing it to you when you’re in the swing or on the rocking chair so whenever you see one of those or whenever you just think of it throughout the day you sing, “ya, ya, ya, ya...” and your Daddy and I look at each other and smile - we LOVE hearing you sing. You are such a little love-bug. You’ll just randomly run up to me or your Daddy and give us hugs or nuzzle your face into our necks. It. Is.The. Best!

So much has changed throughout this first year of your life and God has worked in your life and ours in amazing ways. When you were two months old you started to refuse to eat. It broke my heart to see you so sad and hungry and yet choose not to eat. I would watch your monitor so closely so that as soon as you woke up I could run in and feed you before you came out of your groggy state - it was the only way you would eat. We prayed and prayed for you to get better. The doctors figured out that you had an intolerance to cow’s milk so I went on a dairy-free and soy-free diet. You were still sad and in so much pain after you ate so we found a formula that worked and within a few days you were back to your old self. We praised God.

When you were four months old your doctor noticed that your hips weren’t exactly right. Your legs would lay at a 90 degree angle from your side so they sent me to get x-rays. Your hip was underdeveloped and so we prayed and they followed you for the next few months. When we came back for a follow-up appointment they said you were doing great and everything was looking normal. We praised God.

At this same time the doctor noticed that you were more flexible than most babies and a little “floppy” as they said. You still had trouble holding your head up at four months and they determined that you had "low muscle tone". So they gave me the phone number for a physical therapist and she started coming to our house twice a month to work with you. We set a goal when we first started and hoped that by April (around your first birthday) you would be walking well enough to enjoy an Easter-egg hunt with your cousins.We prayed and prayed. Every time she came she would talk about how amazing you were doing. Your birthday party is tomorrow and you will literally be running around with your cousins. We praise God.

Around nine months the doctor told us to start slowly introducing dairy products to see how you would react to them. I was so nervous and didn’t want to put you through all the pain you went through earlier in your life. We prayed and prayed. Your eat cheese, yogurt, and dairy-based formula every day and LOVE it! We praise God.

I sometimes sing you a little song that I wrote for you. The words are:

“Sweet baby of mine,

You have my heart.

Sweet baby of mine,

From the very start.

God has lent you to me,

And I’m so thankful to Him.

Sweet baby of mine,

Baby of mine.”

Every night after you finish your bottle you snuggle your face onto my shoulder and I rock with you and pray. I thank God for your life, for giving us the time that He has given us up until this point. I pray that you will come to know Him at a young age and walk with Him all the days of your life. I pray that you will love His Word and love spending time with Him daily. I pray that you will find your worth in Him and Him alone. I pray for protection from evil. I pray that you will be a leader at school and among your friends; that people will be drawn to you because of the way you love Jesus. I pray that you will love telling others about Him. I pray for your friends who you may grow up with - Lily, Kate, Raelyn, Natalie, and Nora that they would come to know Jesus at a young age too. I pray the same for your future husband and that from a young age God would provide a godly man in his life to point him towards Christ and show him what it means to be a man of character and how to love a woman the way that God intends for him to. I pray that God will protect both of you from sexual sin - that He would protect your eyes and your bodies and that you will save yourselves for each other. I pray for your children and your children’s children and all generations after you - that they will know Jesus and leave a legacy that glorifies Him. And I beg God that He would be glorified in your life and/or your death. Then while you’re in my arms I open up my hands and usually fight back tears and tell God that you are His - that you belong wholly to Him; you are not mine to hold onto. Then I thank Him again for allowing us to be your parents. Then I tell you it’s time to go to sleep and that I love you so very much and sway with you for a little while before laying you down in your crib. It’s probably my favorite time of the day.

I am humbled by the gift that He has give us in you and I lay you at His feet, sweet child.

Love,

Your adoring Momma

Happy Father's Day!

My Handsome - 

I have so been looking forward to this day so that Little S and I can celebrate you! Where do I even begin? I want so badly to communicate everything you mean to us and I'm so afraid I won't do my feelings justice but I'll give it a shot: 

You are our hero, our knight in shining armor. Your day starts very early with you rolling out of bed to give Little S her pacifier when it's dropped out and she has woken up or with you holding and playing with her so that I can get a little more sleep. You then get ready for work and you drive all the way down to KY (at least 45 min) to a job that you don't particularly enjoy. You work all day, often putting in over-time and almost always exceeding the goals they give you even though it drains you. You do this because you firmly believe that whatever you do, do it with all your heart to please the Lord. You also do it so that I can stay home with our daughter and for that I am eternally grateful. After work you drive back home and although you're exhausted, you can barely contain yourself to see Little S. As soon as you see her, you tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her and missed her while you were at work. She adores you - she may not be able to express it in words yet, but being with her all day I know the way she looks at you, the way she coos and kicks her legs like crazy for you, you are her first love and I am so thankful that she has a daddy that is determined to give her the verbal affirmation and all the hugs and kisses that she can handle so that, as you say, "when she gets older she won't need to go out looking to have that need met by boys" as so many young girls do. After you get your snuggle time in with Little S we usually sit down for dinner and you ask me how my day was and listen as I tell you about all of our highs and lows, the things I worry about and the cute things that Little S did and help me to process all of my crazy, post-pardom, hormonal feelings:) Then many nights you go get changed into your old housework clothes and paint, rip up flooring, or whatever else needs to get done in our house so that Little S and I have a safe, healthy home to spend our days in (currently you're working on, as you say, "getting me my kitchen", and you are doing such an amazing job!). Then you come up to bed, call me beautiful, tell me that you love me, pray for us, and kiss me goodnight. You serve and love our little family so well - I am so undeserving.

You, my Handsome, are a man with more character and integrity than I have ever seen. You pursue purity, having only eyes for me, and help other men to do the same in their own lives. What more could a wife ask for? You love Jesus and so badly want people all over the world to know and love the God you serve and to experience the freedom and joy that you have found in Him. I could not be more thankful for the man that you are and I still cannot believe the Lord allowed me to marry you (or that you wanted to marry me, even after I told you I'd never date you 3 times!). Thank you for fighting for me and for the way you continue to fight for our family. I am head-over-heals in love with you and I am so thankful that Little S has an earthly father that will so remind her of her Heavenly Father and how He loves us so unconditionally and fights to protect us.We are beyond blessed to have you. Thank you for all that you are, we love you more than you can imagine. Happy Father's Day!

Little S Enters the World!

Oh my word, has it really been SEVEN months since the last time I blogged?! For goodness sake, the whole reason I started blogging was because I wanted to document my journey into/through motherhood, and here I am with a 2 month old and nothing to show for it...bless my heart!

I guess I should start with her birth story. It’s been two months but I’ll do my best to remember all of the details:

I was due Thursday, March 31st and although K and I were ready (as well as my sweet parents who drove from Maryland and got in on Friday, April 1st), our little girl, was pretty comfortable and in no rush to leave her cozy spot. I went into the doctor for an appointment and so that they could run some tests to make sure she was doing fine, on Tuesday, April 5th. They did an ultrasound and saw that her movement was not what they were hoping to see and she ended up scoring a 2 out of 8 on her tests, so when the dr. came in the room she said, “Well, you failed!” I had no idea what she meant by that, until she followed it up with, “You’re going to have a baby today or tomorrow.”

I know I had 9 months to prepare and even a week AFTER my due date to get geared up to meet this sweet baby, but I guess nothing really prepares you for when it really happens! I was so thankful that my mom was with me because after that point I heard nothing. My face turned bright red, my heart started pounding and my ability to comprehend a word she said went out the window...along with how I’d always imagined it happening: you know, it’s 2 in the morning, my contractions start getting stronger as K is timing them (by the way, my sweet husband started wearing a watch which he never does, a few weeks before her due date and when I noticed and asked why, he said so that he’d be prepared when he needed to start timing my contractions! I love what a planner I married - I need him to balance me out:) but back to my vision...), we’d pack up our toiletries, take a quick “we’re going to the hospital!” picture, and we’d be off - me huffing and puffing trying to breath through my contractions, and K speeding down the highway and telling me, “we’re almost there!”. 

So sitting in a doctor’s office hearing that we needed to go next door to the hospital and that I’d have the baby sometime tonight or tomorrow, was not what I envisioned. They said since she was overdue and did so poorly on her tests, that they’d need to induce me and although I preferred not to be induced, when it came to her health and safety, I was more than fine with that! So I called K at work and waited 20 looong minutes for him to call me back (apparently since I didn’t leave a message he didn’t think it was too important, but of course I didn’t leave a message - what would I say, “Hey Babe, it’s me. Just wanted to let you know that we’ll be having that baby tonight or tomorrow. If you want to meet me at the hospital at some point today, I’ll see you there. Love you!”) 

So K left work and my parents and I went and got lunch at the Pancake House. I’ve never been there before but I figured, if this is my last meal for a while, I want some chocolate chip pancakes!! We met hubs over at the hospital after that and he and I went and signed in, where they told us that our “room wasn’t ready yet” and asked us to wait in the waiting room. We sat for an hour kind of in a daze, joking about how we felt like we were checking into a hotel, not waiting to have a baby! But they got us all settled in our room and around 4:30pm they gave me cervidil which needed to be in me for 12 hours before they gave me the pitocin to induce labor. So K and I hung out and watched TV and things felt perfectly normal until around midnight when the contractions started. They got stronger and stronger over the next 4 hours and around 4:30am they started the pitocin. At this point I think I was only a couple of centimeters dialated and they made it pretty clear that I couldn’t have the epidural until I was at least 4 or 5. Around 7am I asked again because they were so intense, and they reminded me but said they’d check how far along I was to be sure. Sure enough, I was at 5 centimeters so they called the anesthesiologist and she came in and made life WONDERFUL! Oh my word, I’m so proud of my friends who deliver their babies naturally but man, epidurals are seriously a beautiful thing! We spent the next few hours sleeping and talking about what was about to happen, trying to process it all. Then around 11:30 the nurse checked me and said I was ready to push. The doctor wasn’t even in there but she said she was finishing up a c-section and that she’d be here in a bit and that in the mean time I could just start pushing. So at 11:50 I started pushing, the doctor came in a few minutes later, and by 12:05pm we had a beautiful, healthy baby girl in our arms! I could not believe it, every moment was incredible! How could it have been this easy?! But as I sat there with tears streaming down my face staring into the eyes of our little girl - I was overwhelmed by how immeasurably more than all I could ask for or imagine this sweet gift from the Lord was!

Little S is our daily reminder of how good God is, and how much he blesses us far more than we deserve. She is such a little joy and we fall more and more in love with her every day!

2 become 3!